Won’t someone think of the children?

Enough things have happened for me to justify another update, without feeling self indulgent.

Through the wardrobe

A bunch of us took the long, snowy, slippy trail up to Dundee to:

• practice with Dave’s club
• drink vast amounts in comfortable surrounds and company (apart from myself, being that I was driving that night)
• debate women’s rights in Saudi Arabia

After a torturous drive through the back roads of Fife (thanks Google maps) that dropped me off a half mile from my destination (again, thanks Google maps), things got into gear.

The practice itself was most enjoyable, and involved the use of hockey sticks for exactly the kind of purpose one would assume. I also met former Kaizen member Ally, who I’d not seen since I was a Junior, and proceded to give the drunken sales pitch to my wee brother regarding returning to Karate.

We also tormented the junior club for a spell. Threw them about, locked them in cupboards, the usual.

‘Come to Dundee, batter our children’ – Has quite a ring to it, no?

Other events to round off 2009 included Junior gradings, and the Christmas night out. Both went as well as could be, and fun was had by all.

Last Christmas, we decided to spar, but the very next day, you beat my ass soundly.

The club then shut down for a couple of weeks around the festive period, bringing us nicely onto the subject of my Christmas presents.

• Mitts.
• Pads.
• Weights.

It makes me feel quite good that most of my Christmas loot is Karate and fitness based, even if I do believe myself to be somewhat missing the point of Christmas.

The weights have started to really shine like the baby Jesus (the one that was stolen from George Square a few years back, which I take as a sign that God does not exist).

I’ve been feeling fitter, allowing me clearer thinking during practice rather than the usual out-of-breath haze. I’ve also been feeling a bit stronger, which is always fun.

The next step is to research diet and protein in order to stimulate muscle growth without mistakenly buying steroids and watching my balls drop off.

However, the focus during practice really needs to be on technique, particularly connecting with an opponent, understanding balance (my own, and other people’s), and building up parrying skills and confidence, which ties in with the connection aspect. I felt some progress was being made last Tuesday, but we’ll see if I can build upon it this coming Saturday.

Also, Hugh came round last Saturday, and brought with him the famous ‘Running up a m**********r’.

I won’t lie, it felt good.

Cause you’re hot and you’re cold…

The past couple of practices have been productive.

The extra work on the Katas is most welcome, especially in regards to the fine details that, as a junior, I wouldn’t have noticed or cared about. The ‘Teki’ Katas seem to be a good starting point, and I’m surprised at the amount that I remember, though certain details still escape me.

It might sounds like a cliche, but I reckon that the older you get, or the longer you practice, the more you come to enjoy Kata. Maybe it’s the dedication to perfection of form. Maybe it’s the application and the understanding that comes with it.

Maybe it’s just that there’s a straight right and wrong near enough.

I also tried to bring the previously mentioned ‘running up a m**********r’ in practice. It went better than expected, however I got caught (literally) and slammed. Still, it’s a better result than falling over.

….yes, and she’s watching everything you do.

Saturday

It’s getting difficult to make the interesting from practice to practice, as I’m working on the same goals from week to week, and incrementally improving my ability in each area.

I could go on about how my fitness is improving every week, or how the concious elements of good kick form are starting to become uncouncious, or how my understanding of the importance of the core muscles and how they relate to almost everything you do is moving on in leaps and bounds.

Or I could tell you about how Hugh visited the class and I learned how to RUN UP A M**********R AND DO AN ARM BAR TAKE DOWN IN MID AIR!

The reality is slightly less glamorous than the headline would suggest. It was a constructed practice, more for demonstration purposes than for practical self defense, but it did look very cool.

• Step 1: Opponent gets into a strong posture, with one leg forward, and grabs you like they’re about to choke you.
• Step 2: You put your foot (either foot) on the forward leg, right at the top where it meets the hip.
• Step 3: Pull down on the arms, while pushing up with the foot. Scale the opponent (at this point, I should it make it clear that it’s more like climbing someone, than running up them)
• Step 4: Leg that wasn’t used for climbing gets hooked round the back of the opponent’s neck.
• Step 5: Climbing leg assumes arm bar position.
• Step 6: you both fall over, but you have got your opponent in an arm bar, and it looks dead cool.

It does not look cool, however, if the opponent catches you and holds you up like a figure skater.

Tuesday

Tuesday’s practice started early in a way. My car is broken, again (by again, I mean that it seems to break every four weeks, on the dot). As such, I have to get the train, and take on the big hill up to the train station.

Last time I did this, I noticed that I had a considerable drop in my fitness. I’m pleased to report that practicing twice a week has improved my fitness somewhat, as measured by how out of breath I am at the top of the big hill. I was less tired, and breathing fairly easily by the time I reached the station, to await the late arrival of the dreaded sardine can, packed with smelly folk.

Tuesday’s practice went well, it was nice to get to work on re-learning Katas, with a lot of detail paid to postures that I’d either forgotten or never known about.

In truth, I’ve forgotten almost all the Katas, and offer up some feeble approximation, dragged from the pits of foggy muscle memory.

The main revalation regarding Tuesdays practice involves this blog. There were a lot of concepts that I’d been having trouble grasping. I mean, I understood the words, and the order in which they were said, but recreating said concepts into physcial action was less successful.

The good news is that having this blog means I constantly need to concentrate on what I’m doing, in order to have anything to write about. The increased concentration, plus the revision involved in writing the experiences down, has helped unlock a few things that previously eluded me, so that’s nice.

On a side note, Catholic Schools are strange. Tuesday night got moved to one, and I’d never been inside the building before. I promtly got lost.

I was looking for any kind of directions, but all I saw were pictures of Saints, above every door. The School was called ‘All Saints’. I didn’t think it was meant so literally, saint upon saint staring down at me as if to say ‘You know how can help you if you’re lost?’

Strange.

Bits and Pieces

I feel like I’ve been making progress in a number of areas.

The daily stretching is coming along nicely, as well as the work on my core muscles. I honestly don’t think my kicks have been as good as they are now for a long time, and they’re only going to get better.

I’m getting fitter and stronger also. I’m able to keep my energy levels up for longer that before. Such is the benefit of practicing twice a week, and regularly exercising at home. The weights at home are developing my arms nicely as well, although a nasty Irn Bru habit is derailing any hope of having body definition in the near future.

There’s also progress in the use of angles while sparring, moving left and right as opposed to linear back and forward movement, looking for and starting to find opportunities for better striking and takedown positions.

It’s a good feeling. There’s a catch though. These are all conscious competancies.

I’m good at these things when I concentrate on them, and being male, I can only properly concentrate on one thing at a time.

They key to getting past this? Good old practice.

Contented

Big Jean Claude Van Damme is making another Universal Soldier film. If this doesn’t provide the required motivation to practice more, nothing will.

I felt a bit fitter this week as compared to last. There’s still work to do, and having a perma-cold doesn’t help matters.

Anyway, progress on the stretching front. I’ve been doing some stretches each and every day, and on Saturday my kicks were improving in height and form.

I say improving, slightly improving might be a more honest way of putting it, but it’s progress nonetheless. The main area to be happy about is my left leg. I had a pretty bad groin strain on the left side a few years back, and the leg wasn’t quite the same since, however the daily stretching is starting to loosen things a little. It’s also working well with the concentration on the core muscles while kicking.

The improvements in my kicks are still a conscious competency at the moment (meaning that it’s something I can do when I’m concentrating on it), so the idea is to keep practicing until it’s an unconscious competency. Something else this applies to is stance, as I seem to have forgotten how to do this properly, leaving me lopsided like a compulsive wanker.

The legs are still heavy. In fact, they weigh a ton apparently. I have, however, been gifted with something to help with my footwork.

This is what my brother got me for my birthday, the git.

I’m finding my legs start feeling heavy quite quickly, so I might as well make use of this wonderful gift.

Oracle

Oracle is a character from the Batman comics. The daughter of Commissioner Gordon, she was Batgirl until the Joker shot her through the spine in ‘The Killing Joke‘ (one of the greatest Joker stories ever told), costing her the use of her legs.

Despite this, she’s still an exceptional martial artist with a pair of Kali Sticks.

The reason I mention this, is that I’m convinced my legs are going to fall off, and I’m preparing for my life as a paraplegic.

Last practice, I got told I have heavy, powerful, but not so flexible legs, which is kind of like being told you have fat ankles. I also was given some information regarding my kicks.

1. Stretch the kicks out. Bring the knee up as high as possible before flicking the leg out. Once the leg is out, hold it stretched out for a moment, before bringing it back.
2. Drive the other, grounded foot into the ground, making use of the core (stomach and lower back, I think) muscles.

Surprisingly, given that it’s only been two days, I noticed a difference tonight. It won’t help in practical sparring terms, that’s not the point, but from what I could see/feel, my form and flexibility was slightly improved. I’m curious to see how this develops over the course of time, especially combined with the daily stretching.

Apparently the goal is to be able to do the full splits by April.

F**k.

Regarding daily stretching, I’m trying to find an empty, unused office in the work to stretch in. I’ll let you know how that goes.

I mentioned that I’m starting breakdancing. I also mentioned that the class doesn’t start till a week on Wednesday. Until then, the idea is that on non practice days, to have a half decent session with the heavy (and manky) punchbag in my garage, with emphasis on cardio fitness, footwork, form, and power.

While wearing a Batman outfit.

Peace out.

Perspective…

Perspective is as much use as a Chocolate Teapot when your legs hurt so much that you’ve developed a complex regarding stairs.

Before starting this blog, I’d taken about a month off so to speak. For some odd reason, October/November contains not only every concert and stand up gig you desperately want to see, but also every single birthday that you can be bothered with. People must get frisky in February.

First practice back. I’ve lost a bit of fitness, not helped by having a cold. Being out of breath isn’t a feeling I enjoy very much, but I have the idea hovering not far overhead that I need to get used to it, like a cheeky Vulture.

First item on the agenda: Increase fitness.

My fitness never used to be that bad, as I always walked to work. The trouble is, I live in Glasgow, and work in Falkirk (20 miles distance)

At first, I got the train, which involved ten mins walk to the station, then 15 mins walk down a steep hill from Falkirk High to work. I also went walkabout on my lunch, meaning I was doing an hour’s walking every day, some of which was up a steep hill. Unfortunately, the experience of travelling on the Edinburgh to Glasgow line is far more painful and terrifying than any hold or lock in modern martial arts, if the train even turns up.

To this end, I bought a car. I now have to content with the horrors of the roadworks on the M80, but at least I don’t have some dick spilling bucky all over my nice jacket. The downside is that I now don’t walk very much, and coupled with the month off, my fitness has taken a blow.

I have a few options.

1. Join the gym. It’s a minute away from my house, but it’s expensive.
2. Go running. It’s cold out though, and I might run into (literally) someone I know, and I don’t like that many people.
3. Sign up to a breakdancing class.

Yup, you heard me. I’m going to learn breakdancing, starting a week on Wednesday (Going to see Mariachi El Bronx with the girlfriend, and the mate who I’m going with won’t be there till then).

Breakdancing isn’t as daft a choice as you might think…

1. I’ll look incredibly cool busting a move when I go out (because under club lights, nobody can see that I’m ginger).
2. I imagine it’ll do wonders for my balance.
3. It should also do amazing things for my core muscles.
4. Did I mention how cool I’ll look?

Breakdancing it is.

Item Two on the agenda: Flexibility

I mentioned earlier that my legs hurt. This would be because I took a month off, most of which was spent drunk. However, last Saturday we ending with some partner stretching, where Eddie (who practices on a Saturday at Pauline’s) said something rather interesting.

‘Your legs are heavy, there’s muscle, but they’re not that flexible’.

This is very true. I’ve always had pain/problems with the back of my knees, but nothing that I don’t think some regular stretching won’t sort.

There are some problems that are possibly permanent. I had a bad groin strain on the left side a few years back, and the left leg has always been a bit stiff since (no jokes). Again, regular stretching could help with this, but I’m not so sure.

(At this point, advice from people who actually know what they’re talking about would be appreciated).

Daily stretching at home is the plan of attack.

Pretentiousness

I was reading ‘Cell’ by Stephen King a while back, and there’s an interesting line:

‘The body knows how to fight’

That’s more or less the line. I’m not taking this absolutely literally, that would be silly, but the idea of the body learning by doing is one that’s been talked about quite a lot. It’s one thing to think about how to dodge a punch, and have the theory nailed down. In truth though, you’re going to get punched until your body learns to move.

I feel my problem has been to think about the moves and sequences I’m making too much, making it too cerebral, when really, I should just be getting hit (and I am) till my body discovers what works and what doesn’t. Then I can think about it all I want, preferably while stretched out on the couch, trying to ignore the X Factor, and failing.

In summary:

1. Address fitness problem by learning to breakdance, and gain benefits to core muscles, balance, and general coolness.
2. Adress flexibility problem by stretching more.
3. Address getting hit a lot problem by learning how not to get hit so much.

Introduction to biomechanical function.

I’m Scott.

When I was very young, about Primary School age, I moved from a small village in Fife called Aberdour, to a suburb of Glasgow called Lenzie.

The summer that we moved, we went on holiday to France and met a family from the neighbouring town Bishopbriggs. Pauline, the matriarch of said family, ran/runs a karate class, which I attended for a number of years up to the age of about 17, attaining the grade of Junior Black Belt.

After that I got sick, went to Uni, took a part time job in Primark, lost the will to live, and stopped going.

6 or so years later, I got a nice Graduate job in Falkirk, and started back. It’s been a year, on and off, and now it’s time to train a bit harder. To this end, I’ve started writing about my experiences.

I hope you enjoy this, as it’ll be endless stories about me getting the living shite kicked out me on Saturday mornings and Tuesdays nights.

Rock ‘n’ Roll.